Saturday, May 5, 2012


Tina Turner, the wonderful singer and dancer, lived in a battering relationship with her husband, Ike Turner for years. A made-for-TV movie showed clearly how hard it was for her to get away from him both physically, emotionally, and financially.

To her everlasting credit, she was one of the first famous women to “come out” about the beatings, tongue lashings, and rapes she had to live with constantly and in her own home.

In the past few years, many more stars from all kinds of media have “come out” about their abusive relationship(s). I don’t know if this has contributed to the lower number of annual murders that American batterers commit, but the national number seems to be very slowly going down.

One factor in fewer deaths during these women’s relationship with the batterer or after she leaves, may be that judges, lawyers, and other court professionals are being trained in greater numbers so that many no longer believe a woman is to blame for defending herself any way she can against the batterer’s assaults, for “talking back”, for not leaving. More of these men (and the greatest majority of batterers are men) are being fined for breaking Restraining Orders. More of them are going to jail. More of them are finding it harder to prove “she started it” or “hey, look how she hurt me.”

What have you done today to understand the plight of someone who has no money, no car, no friends or relatives nearby who will help her appropriately? Someone who may have already been threatened with her own death, her pet’s, or losing her children or someone else she loves if she leaves?

Don’t judge a battered woman if you haven’t been there. The problem is so complex.
You have no idea how complex.

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