Our local paper ran a big headline today about a despicable act. It seems that a few months after a woman's husband was released from jail for threatening and violating her protective order, he killed her and then himself. As he had threatened to do before his arrest.
His threat? That he would kill her and then himself if she was unfaithful. Since he was already paranoid and abusive, she wanted nothing more to do with him and reported his threat to the police. It sounds like he was mentally ill.
I believe all batterers are mentally ill in some way. They often seem obsessive/compulsive or depressed, paranoid or addicted to alcohol or drugs, and so on. Those who experienced the same childhood they inflict on their partner and kids may have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, a condition they often pass on to those they victimize.
No one has a perfect childhood or adolescence. Many people have been abused, bullied, neglected, had to deal with disabilities or addictions, etc. But all these people do not grow up thinking they have the right to make an emotional and/or physical slave of their partners.
Why do some people become monsters and others do not? I think it's the old nature vs. nurture issue and
I vote for nature: for brains or personalities unable to cope with failure, stress, or insecurity. For those who can only feel good by making others feel bad.
Once a week, at the shelter, I see what they've done to battered women and the children who have to watch and listen to the abuse.
I don't feel sorry for these monsters. I feel sorry for those they hurt in the name of "love."