Monday, December 5, 2011


Wow. How fast Christmas is approaching. My daughter and son-in-law's "wish" lists aren't that long, but already I've run into one gift that probably won't be here in time for Christmas. Guess my daughter will be getting a picture of that gift. My son-in-law is researching which technology he wants for his gift. Next week maybe we can get his stuff. Hubby's gifts were easy, bless him.

Then there's the food shopping for 12-25. Our famly has breakfast together Christmas morning. Then we open our gifts, relax and/or cook dinner. My food list is ready and it's short. And my daughter will help with preparations.

I used to stress over all the Christmas preparations, presents, parties, etc. With good reason. We used to exchange gifts with my husband's large family as well as my own. Now my side of the family does a "Yankee Auction"--one gift per person and it's FUN.

Another big change? I ask for help. My generation was sucked into Gloria Steinhem's philosophy. We were supposed to be able to have it all and do it all.

Then I realized Gloria Steinhem lived in an apartment with her husband, never cooked a meal, didn't have kids and probably had "help." She did have it all, or at least had it easier than I had it with working, raising two kids, keeping hubby happy, and doing all the social/recreational stuff that goes with extended families.

So I changed as my life changed. My biggest change? Now I ask for help.

Easy for me to do, but probably not possible in a batterer's home. After all, the victim is expected to do it all without error, without complaint, whether sick or well, whether injured or not. She must do what she is told or what she thinks will mollify her abuser.

She probably doesn't have a lot of time or energy to think about Steinhem or women's rights.
But I'll think of her and hope someday it comes to her, like it did to me, that I have needs, too and they don't all have to be dumped in order to make other people happy.

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