Sunday, November 20, 2011


Batterers have a really skewed view of love. They believe that if someone really loves you, they will do everything for you and they will do it the instant you ask and they will do it perfectly.

Where does that leave his partner the option of doing something for herself, for finishing what she's working on, for remembering everything the batterer has demanded of her, and for never making a mistake?

The batterer doesn't leave his victim those options unless he's "making up" for his last tirade, beating, or inexcusable cruelty. Otherwise, he has no tolerance for human imperfection because somehow that means you don't love him enough.

Nothing makes him more fuious. Nothing makes him want to "fix" you, or scare you until you try so hard to be perfect for him that you believe his slurs and insults and spend all the time you can trying to do everything exactly right. Soon his needs come before the kids', your family's, and most of all, your own.

If you are not thankful for the partner in your life this Thanksgiving, something's wrong. And love has nothing to do with it.

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