My neighbors are a loving, good family. My favorite story about Dad I heard recently from Mom. She said her husband loves to play golf and hopes his little son will enjoy it, too.
When the little guy and his "big" sister visit our house on Saturdays to play, the 3-yr-old often whacks golf balls in our rec room with kid-size clubs and a focused determination that makes me proud. He enjoys it and truly practices his swing.
So Dad takes him to the Club when he can. Their routine? They both hit a ball. Then they walk up to the little guy’s ball. The child picks it up, then sets it down next to Dad’s ball, which is, of course, much farther up the fairway.
Of course this child will love golf and love playing with Dad! Neither one has something to prove. They are having a good time together and they both are learning.
Somehow, I can’t see a batterer doing this with one of his kids. Many of these men are nice to the kids when they’re little. They seem to forget that the kids will begin to understand how not nice they are as they mature, since the batterer hurts Mom whom they also love.
Some identify with the batterer out of fear They arrive at the shelter already in Control Mode. Most eventually can be persuaded with counseling, behavior mod, and peer pressure that Mom is in charge, not them. Those who leave still in Control Mode make me sad, for they are at risk to exhibit the same cruel, controlling behavior as their father figure.
So what are you dads out there doing to help your kids feel successful in their own right?
They won’t need to be mean if they are sure of themselves. Your example is everything.
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